Twenty-four/seven (reflections and humble advice to the homeschooling novice) *the complete post*

Assalamo ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. (apologies, I accidentally posted a draft!)

When my first child was about 3 and I was just preparing to home educate, I read something that stayed with me. It was a Facebook post by an experienced Muslim homeschooler who was asked “how do you do it?”. Her immediate reply was: “You have to not mind being with your children 24/7.”

This sounds a lot more obvious than it is.

Lately, I have been talking about homeschooling with several people I know; Women who have either just taken their child out of school, have decided to start with their little ones or are seriously considering not sending their big kids to secondary school. Each of them is in a very different predicament in terms of the age of her children and the extent of their experience of public school; what they have in common is that they all are entering uncharted territory. Their situations – different as they might be – all remind me of giving birth (and no – not in terms of pain!!!): the decision to take full charge of your child’s education has a certain solemnity to it. You just know that it will forever be intertwined with your experience as a parent. It is thinking about these friends of mine and their families that some reflections started bubbling up to the surface of my conscience.

I myself feel as though I have entered a new stage in my homeschooling journey. I have been so busy hiking up the mountain, that only now I pick up my head and notice the landscape has changed. I realised that, rather than being “resigned” to it, I have embraced the idea that my children will not go to school. I always vouched for home education but, deep inside, I have been somewhat affected by the notion that “school = real life”. I felt that, for me and my kids, homeschooling was just a temporary solution to the absence of a salafi school where we live; I thought I would hold down the fort as best as I could until this phantomatic move to a place where I could find the right institution to “offload the burden”. In the meantime, my eldest is almost through with primary school. Moving is a remote possibility; our homeschool, on the other hand, has been a reality. It has been so for 7 years and by the sole mercy of Allah. It has been, and continues to be, engaging and a little unpredictable. Fluid and changeable. Frustrating and fulfilling. Subject to moods, light-bulb moments, phases of near obsessive interest and a few fads too. It defines our family. It moulds our relationships with one another. It is heart-warmingly good, spectacularly bad and everything in between.

Before I share my two pence worth of reflection and advice about homeschooling, know that – 7 years ago – that “24/7” statement felt like a slap in the face, because the thought of my 3 year old boy being with me 24/7 for the foreseeable future terrified me. Not to mention the guilt aftershock.

So, new or aspiring homeschooling people, gather around! these are more M&Ms than pearls of wisdom, but here you go:

1. LITTLE CHILDREN DON’T NEED A CURRICULUM, THEY NEED A LIFE.

A life with you, to be precise. The need to do what they love with the person who is their whole world. And tons of books, to be read to them by the aforementioned, who is also required to slow down and be present. They do not need instruction, but first hand experience. And, that way, they learn. “Learning through play” means exactly that. It doesn’t mean putting up a puppet show to teach a 4 year old to solve equations or write cinquains. Don’t do that. Please.

2. HAVING YOUR CHILDREN WITH YOU 24/7 DOESN’T MEAN THEY MUST BE ON YOUR LAP 24/7.

When people ask me,”So, basically your kids are with you all the time?” In my head I chuckle and answer,”Where else should they be?” (They aren’t by the way, not all the time). School is a perfectly legitimate solution for some families, but when did it become the default place for kids to belong?

Having said so, some sensible boundaries have to be set. My kids are with me all the time, but they are not engaging me all of the time. When I am busy (meaning: late) making dinner, and each of my 3 comes to me simultaneously with a very specific snacks request for the fourth time, I joke with them saying that I am not a tapas bar. Or one of those sushi places with the little plates of food on a conveyor belt. Kids tend to be what, in adults, we call “self-centred”. They expect it to be an “all day breakfast” kind of situation. And it is, except that it would be impossible for a Muslim mother to carry out her other duties efficiently if she went along with it 24/7. Children are quite unlikely to think, “Hmm… I see Mother is looking quite drained after spending all day responding to our physical, educational and emotional needs. She should have a quiet hour a day to deepen her knowledge of the religion without any disturbances or endless requests,” (right???). So, instead of ending up resenting children because they can’t give us a break, it is up to the parent to create that time and guard it, put it in place and make it a routine. These are some ideas:

• Get up before your children. Snatch that hour even if you have to study in your pyjamas to save yourself the time it would take to get dressed.
• Have a bedtime and stick with it. Bedtimes are cherished in this house (and not just because they usually mark the end of my working day). An adequate bedtime must apply also to older children, or at least a time when they are expected to be in their room for the night.
• When a toddler outgrows the need for an afternoon nap, nap-time can evolve into “quiet time.” With the exception of prayer at the masjid or any scheduled activities they might have outside the house, our boys will spend a couple of hours in their room in the afternoon. They may rest, read, play, draw, do homework … anything, as long as it is quiet. They are not locked in, they simply know that is a time we spend doing separate things and whatever is not urgent can wait a little.

By the mercy of Allah, this can allow for part time work from home, online study, exercise and any job that is best done without kids around. It provides much needed rest if one is unwell/pregnant/fasting or simply in need to pull herself together if it has been a hard day. Creating these pockets of time help us being more available at all other times, to give every ounce of us when our kids are around (which is most of the time anyway) and achieve some of our personal goals.

3. EXPOSING OUR CHILDREN TO MASSIVE FITAN FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR SOCIAL LIFE IS AGAINST THEIR BEST INTEREST.

We wouldn’t give our children a tub of ice-cream at every meal time instead of proper food just because they like it. Nobody could accuse us of starving them if we did, or argue that ice-cream is not food. Yet we don’t let them have that for every meal. Similarly, we cannot cave on this: If we consider the school environment available to our children to be a highly toxic one, one that could tarnish their morals and attack their deen, then we cannot overlook this just so that they can hang out with a bunch of people their age. This is ice-cream for dinner, just with even more harmful and far reaching consequences. The aspect of socialisation for homeschooled kids is like broccoli: wholesome and as appetising as you make it! Few things make us happier than giving our children what they desire and – especially as they grow into teenagers – their need for their peers is real. But we also know that what we desire is not always what is good for us. Moreover, Prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:  “A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let each of you look to who he takes as close friend.” This couldn’t be more relevant in the case of older children and teenagers, for whom Ummi is no longer the whole world! This is not to demonise school in general, nor to point the finger. It might be that a family genuinely does not have a choice, and surely all Muslim kids have available to them the guidance Allah and the teachings of His Messenger (salla Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), whether they are homeschooled or go to school. Having said so, parents who send their Muslim children to school uniquely out of fear that they would not be able to provide an adequate academic or social experience otherwise, should re-assess their priorities and give themselves a chance in this sense. And never underestimate what we are up against, in terms of desires, as we strive to give our children a good upbringing.

4. WE DO NOT HOMESCHOOL BECAUSE WE ARE AFRAID OF THE WORLD.

Homeschooled kids don’t live under rocks. The fact that we don’t just throw them out there in any environment and in any kind of company does not mean we want to keep them within our 4 walls. Where there are homeschooling families, there will – in sha’ Allah – be activities for your child to participate in with other kids. If something is not available, you can start it. Either way, your control over what kind of influences your children are exposed to will be far greater than in mainstream education. Beneficial companionship and friendship can and should be facilitated for our children and school is not necessarily the answer to this (in fact, for a Muslim in a non-Muslim land, it is hardly ever so).

5. HOMESCHOOLING OLDER CHILDREN MEANS TO BE THE MANAGER OF THEIR EDUCATION MORE THAN THEIR TEACHER.

You will not always have to sit and feel the sandpaper alphabet with them. As they grow, there seems to be less teaching and more organising. I sometimes feel like I am my 10 year-old’s secretary: Filling the calendar, setting the alarms on my phone for each activity (with one hour to spare – in case I completely forgot there was something and I need to give people lunch before it), remind them of any change of plans, liaise with other parents to plan activities, arrange meetings, outings, invitations, check that homework for other teachers is done, keeping an eye out on the local homeschooling community to see what is going on, etc. My 10 year old’s column in our family calendar is by far the busiest! Which brings me to my next point:

6. YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF.

Usually a child would have two parents, grandparents, uncles, aunties, older cousins, family friends: each of these people has something he or she could bring to the education of your children, some talents and abilities your children might be able to learn from. Then there are other homeschooling parents that may want to set up clubs about something that they are good at and/or that interests their children. There are homeschooling co-ops, tutors, online courses… There are countless ways out there to get help in teaching our children, if one can be proactive and a bit creative.

7. IF YOU FEEL LIKE NO OTHER OPTION IS GOOD ENOUGH, YOU WILL MAKE IT WORK – BY ALLAH’S HELP.

Being Muslim is not the easiest thing in the world nowadays. Our Prophet (salla Allahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) told us that Islam started as something strange and, towards the end of times, it will again be seen as something strange; that to hold on to it will be like holding on to hot coals… yet we wouldn’t consider any other way, because – alhamdulillah -we know that it is the Truth and nothing compares to it (may Allah keep us firm upon it). The status of homeschooling is nowhere as absolute as that, of course, but the point here is: If we feel strongly enough about it, we will seek the means to achieve it – even if it is not the easiest or most convenient option. Rectifying our intentions and seeking the help of Allah are the first and most crucial of those means, and with the help of Allah nothing is impossible.

It is by the help of Allah that not only am I no longer scared of being with my children 24/7, but I am grateful not to have to give a school such a large chunk of their time – their childhood: a precious time that passes quickly, as does our life.

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Phases of the moon puzzle

Assalamo ‘aleykum.

As I mentioned in one of the Ramadan planning posts, I put together a quick puzzle of the moon phases for the boys. I got the idea from What do we do all day.

Here is how I made mine. First I picked a circle shape to trace and traced 8 circles on black card (for once the white pencil in the box came in handy, Alhamdulillah!) they need to be in a line, or, as in my case, on 2 lines on a A3 card that I then cut in half. I traced the same 8 circles on craft paper, 4 on dark paper and 4 on light (to represent the lit part of the moon) and cut them out. I traced the line I intended to cut on the back so that I had: 2 circles with no line, 2 with a line down the middle and the rest with a crescent traced at the back. I laminated the cut circles as well as the black base.

Then, because I do not measure stuff, I held at the same time a dark and a light circle with the same line on the back and,  making sure they were both facing down, I cut them at once. I then swapped the halves between each pair that was cut together, so that one part was dark and one light, this way they fit together reasonably well with no need for much precision in tracing the lines.

I applied some self adhesive Velcro dots and made some labels with the names of the different phases of the moon on a strip of craft paper, making sure I cut between each with a different pattern (which, I have learned, is called “error control”, clever!). We enjoyed playing with it (and I enjoyed making it, Alhamdulillah!), the kids now want it put up on the wall. They have been eagerly scouting the night sky for the Ramadan moons ever since, using it to tell how much of the month had gone.

Ramadan activity plan – WEEK 4

Assalamo ‘aleykum.

Here is the list of activities I chose to do with my children in the last week of Ramadan, Insha’Allah.

WEEK 4

DAY 1: Watermelon party bags. I just love these. We will be making them for our neighbours’ children (there’s a few masha’Allah!) and maybe for the other friends too, depending on finances. I haven’t bought anything to put in them and I prefer to make fewer with things you can actually use in them rather than making 50 full of tat, Insha’Allah. Erm… if you are my neighbour/friend and you are reading this, sorry for spoiling the surprise! (by the way, if my kids are presented with watermelon favours on Eid, let’s just say I will know where you got it from! eh eh… a nice exchange of watermelon slices, masha’Allah!)

DAY 2: Chocolate covered dates. A little something to (lovingly) rot your teeth, just in preparation for Eid! eh eh… my kids will be absolutely ecstatic over these I think…

DAY 3: We will be making Eid cards. I haven’t chosen a design or idea yet, I think I will let the boys choose, although I would really like to make something like THIS.

DAY 4: We’ll be making some Eid decorations! Probably some lolly sticks stars, Insha’Allah. We might even make some heart paper chain similar to THIS ONE, simply because we have got a box full of punched out hearts in lovely craft papers, left over from another craft endeavour.

DAY 5: We will make pink lemonade. The boys will find a recipe, as well as lemons, sugar and raspberries in their mailbox, Insha’Allah.

DAY 6: Eid Colouring pages, 1 , 2, 3

DAY 7 – DAY 7+1 : The boys will be completing this Sunan of Eid al-Fitr colouring book, Insha’Allah.

LAST DAY: When we know it is the last day of Ramadan, we will make Rainbow Cupcakes to have on Eid, insha’Allah

Ramadan activity plan – WEEK 3

Assalamo ‘alaykum.

Please find below the breakdown of the daily activities I chose for my children for the third week of Ramadan, Insha’Allah.

WEEK 3

DAY 1: Mosaic rainbow magnets

DAY 2: We’ll be making Tunisian (or Libyan or Algerian) Tajine. Not the stew cooked in the cone shaped pot, but a very thick frittata with chicken, cheese and all sorts of goodies that should cut in chunky neat squares, masha’Allah.

DAY 3: Today they boys will do some worksheets/colouring from the “Welcome Ramadan” workbook from A Muslim Homeschool (jazakillahu khayran).

DAY 4: DIY Moon Phases Puzzle. I made my own today, I will make a separate post to show how I did it, Insha’Allah. 

DAY 5: Ramadan thoughts worksheet for Yusef. I might ask Bilal to tell me his thought and I can write them down for him… and/or just give him a simpler things such as THIS or THIS.

DAY 6: Stained glass window craft. This has nice simple patterns (important since I will need to prepare them already cut out) but I have some pretty masjid shaped ones on my Pinterest board too, masha’Allah. (I need to get some colourful tissue paper for the pound shop Insha’Allah!).

DAY 7: Ramadan Board Game from A Muslim Homeschool (barak Allahu feeki). I am very very excited about this one!!!

More time, more patience

Today I was late with everything. I did my Qur’an late, I started homeschooling late, lunch was late. You see where I am going. Basically, I was hijacked by my 3 year old (soon to be 4 Insha’Allah). He did that cute face as he begged: “Ummi, come to play pizza oven a liiiiiiiiiiiittle bit…”

He had built a pizza oven in the playroom. he was wearing a white cotton drawstring bag as a (really floppy) chef’s hat, held up by his ears. He was rushing around very competently and comfortably in his play kitchen. He made me pizza and a few other yummy treats. We chatted. It was all very cute, I promise you.

This is the pizza oven. (Note his chef hat on the blue chair while the pizza is cooking under the brown one)

This is my order of pizza with mushrooms and a side (felt) salad.

While, at his age, Yusef enjoyed making and organizing playdough shapes and letters, doing worksheets and making me write the number 0-10 over and over and over again, Bilal needs to do “real things”. Now, real things have got a completely different pace compared to academic things. Real things require time and patience, especially from one’s adult helper. Real things are imaginative, fun, creative and they teach you how to be a human being (a process that can’t be rushed).

Then why sometimes it is so hard to just let go of “getting things done” and go along with that? Why do we struggle so much to relinquish control, once in a while? Why can’t we accept that we are going to be late with everything and that – insha’Allah – it will be worth it?

Why can’t we find more time and have more patience?

Sweet rewards

For a long time I thought about introducing a reward system connecting certain types of age appropriate house chores with money, but struggled to find the right format. Then I came across an ice-cream cone reward chart for toddlers on Pinterest (https://uk.pinterest.com/pin/397935317045719021/) and immediately loved it. It isn’t just cute, it is perfect for a boy who is still too small to read (and will still be for a while) as well as his older brother, it goes on the wall neatly instead of sitting on my kitchen counter where it could easily be knocked over (I had considered using jars with marbles), it doesn’t require much printing and did I already mention it is so cute? I want one for myself, for when I am a good insha’Allah. Plus I got to use my craft papers and laminator, which is always great fun.

The idea is not that children should be paid for contributing to housework. It is their duty to pitch in and I do not believe they are entitled to payment for it per se. However, I want to encourage them and to create good habits, insha’Allah. I want them to learn to be responsible for whatever money they have, to chose how (and if) to spend it and to know where it comes from, insha’Allah. Also, I chose some specific jobs they dislike to do. I am not going to reward Bilal for washing the dishes or Yusef for reading, for example, because they love it and they would do it for hours given the chance… the list I put on the chart is not exhaustive and I do add things as they come to my mind. I might even do the opposite: restricting the reward if an ice-cream scoop only to a specific job they are particularly adverse to(i.e. Yusef taking off his clothes neatly or Bilal dressing on his own, as he can get lazy about that).

So far it is working well, Alhamdulillah. My husband said I’ve been too generous by putting £5 as a target… Yusef is already almost there… I was stuck for an amount to put, I didn’t want to be too liberal with it but also I wanted to give something they could realistically spend in an amount of time that wouldn’t be so long they would completely forget what they are doing and why. But the prize awarded might be modified as we go along.

The seasons in our house

It might be because one of our children is still very young, it might be that seeing their work displayed gives the children a nice sense of pride, or it might just be that we love to see a splash of colour on the walls (aside from Bilal scribbles….alhamdulillah, the boy has a bit if a graffiti problem) but we just love season themed decorations.  This year we mostly printed off our material (from here http://www.twinkl.co.uk/ some printables are free, others need subscription), not the most creative approach, but it gave us (me) ideas on what can be done (and saves tons of times that can be used actually making and studying other things).
This is our Autumn display, featuring acrostic poems, symmetric drawings of leaves and detachable acorns number bonds (done by Yusef) and colouring, tracing, cutting, gluing and ordering by size (done by Bilal).

Below is our Winter display (my favourite season masha’Allah).

More poems, symmetry, scissor skill etc.
Again, we took a lot of ready made things from http://www.twinkl.co.uk/ and some creative ideas from pinterest,  which you will find on my Winter crafts board here https://uk.pinterest.com/ummyusef/winter-crafts/

Our winter decorations are always put up later in the season, usually well into January.  I wait until the christmas decorations are well and truly gone from everywhere around us to decorate in our house. I would never want my children to associate Winter with this festivity or to feel like we are somehow taking part. Alhamdulillah.

Robot heads anyone?

Some products – like these traditional Italian cakes – come in boxes shaped in such ways that they just scream: “CRAAAFT!!! Make something with me!!!”. Children all over Italy have been poking holes and sticking their heads in panettone and pandoro boxes since … well… forever. It is one of the most played with craft we ever made Shockingly, they are still with us after a couple of months and after having been played with by our kids and their friends!

Yusef put a “fly” button on his, because he wanted to fly. Bilal wears his when he recites Qur’an to himself or delivers one of his khutbahs; he says it makes him louder. 

Playing with snow indoors

We didn’t have much snow this winter and the only day when it really did snow, Bilal was ill and not allowed outside. So I sent Yusef out with a big mixing bowl to fill with snow, and I took out some bits and bobs from the kitchen. It was so fun that Yusef went to get his own bowl of snow and came to play snot at the kitchen table too!

Transferring activity

I am very much into Montessori style sensory and practical life activities, I think they are better than most toys our there and my little one gets lots of fun out of them.

Here’s what happened when I cleaned out my kitchen cupboards and found some whole spices, herbs and dry split peas that expired a couple of years ago.

Bilal plays with it most days while I do some more formal work with Yusef. Then he clears the table and sweeps.